H1N1

October 27, 2009 at 11:37 AM | Posted by an_ton
H1N1.

When I was in Holland, whenever a friend of ours sneezed, he said "Hasta Lavista!" in honour of the disease that was once called the Mexican Flu. When friends sneezed here, I have on more than one occasion asked them to check for a tail. A pink and curly one.

I would like to quote one of the smartest people I know:

"If you should suddenly contract the H1N1 virus, for any reason, there truly is no better course than to take a lot of vitamins, get a lot of rest, and WAIT IT OUT. Not only will your body defeat the disease (a much more accurate percentage of 0.03% deaths from the disease has been confirmed, however the majority of those deaths were a combination of other health problems as well) but your immune system will be even more prepared to fight the next incarnation of the flu virus.
There is FAR TOO MUCH hype about all of this, and the reason for it is obvious. The governments of the world are attempting to distract us with another "911" emergency, to pull our attention away from the real problems that we face. Read about the 1976 mass vaccination in the states, which left over 500 people with irreparable health damages and cost the government over 3 billion in lawsuits, for an outbreak that NEVER HAPPENED."

This, sadly, looks like the MO of familiar governmental institutes. Fits with what we have seen in the extremely recent past. Also, have a look at this article.

Hmm.

But here is the thing that doesn't immediately make me write this whole thing off. The World Health Organization (WHO) is sending 60 million shots and as many nurses as they can to poorer countries in the world, which is a wonderful gift and a necessary one, where the threat of an actual pandemic is highest. Lovely headlines. But when you think about it, that's insane! The five poorest countries in the world: Ethiopia, Niger, Central African Republic, Guinea-Bissau, and Union of the Comoros are populated respectively: 78,254,090, 15,306,252, 3,865,000, 1,600,000, and 839,000, which is a total of 99,864,342. A hair under one billion, and 39,864,342 MORE PEOPLE THAN THE SHOTS THE WHO PLANS TO HAND OUT (stupid Roger Daltrey...). This doesn't even include Somalia, The Soloman Islands, Zimbabwe, Liberia, and the Republic of the Congo, which is the poorest country in the world which itself has a population of three million.

So. With these people being denied (I admit that I have not done research into each of these countries' own health organizations vaccination plans) the vaccination, where it is arguably the most needed, how can I be so arrogant to turn it away? The odds of something bad happening isn't terribly high, and getting the flu - any flu really - is a terrible pain in the ass albeit not deadly (knock on wood), I have the great privilege to be offered this vaccine for free. How can I deny it?

I'm stuck. The paranoid side of my mind says no. I do not trust the big business style pharmaceutical industries and I do not trust governmental bodies. But I can't deny that this flu exists, and it poses certain health risks to a large population, which is the definition of pandemic. And that is worrisome. The conspiracy theories don't make sense if you believe in the good of people.

If I could deny my shot and give it to someone in a country where they have to fight for the vaccine and where there is a very high risk of pandemic, I would. But I can't. So should I turn it down anyway?

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This Post Reeks of Pessimism (so don't read it)

October 26, 2009 at 7:01 PM | Posted by an_ton
For the first time in my like I feel as if I have made a terrible mistake.

We used to joke once upon a time that the initials in BFA did not in fact stand for Bachelor of Fine Arts as it claims on the piece of paper I received in 2004, but rather that it stands for Bachelor of Fuck All. We didn’t take that seriously, so full of hope and promise and looking towards a bright future as the next great artists of the world.

And for a time, we were the envy of all our non-artist friends.

 “I always wanted to be an actor, but my parents thought it was smarter to go into engineering/nursing/management/science/medicine/kinesiology/etc. I didn’t want to, but I did.”
“Oh I wish I had the courage to follow my dreams!”

And for a time, it was good.

But now, what with reality asserting itself with the kind of bleakness we usually only read about in Irvine Welsh novels, while I follow my dreams I am also starving to death.

Not literally. This is for effect. Don’t worry.

My resume consists of about fifty different jobs that I have done in the four and a half years, all of which are so specific that they will apply precisely not at all in any other field other than the one I am currently trying to succeed in.

Following my dreams, as it were, has brought me debt, bad food, mismatched clothing, no vehicle to get around in, abject poverty, a crappy apartment, tax evasion, secondhand shoes, and not enough spending money even to go see theatre with.

But it has also brought great joy, sense of fulfillment, wonderful friends, and a small body of work that I can call my own.

Luckily, I weigh my priorities in a way that makes it look like I’m doing the right thing.

So, what comes next?

This season I am looking at this so far:
            The Highest Step in the World. Production Stage Manager.
            Lighting Designer. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
            A New Piece. Ensemble Member with Downstage.
            Closer. Director.
            Our First Piece. (Parenthesis) Company Ensemble.
            Observer of Some Lunchbox Theatre Shows.
            Stage One Festival. Lunchbox Theatre

There is some awesome stuff here, some work that I am so looking forward to. But it feels like I’m fighting to keep going, and it’s getting harder.

I used to say that I do theatre in part because it is the only think I know how to do. I meant that in the way that it is a part of me, it is in my blood. It is my culture, my true passion. But I am starting to worry that it is, in fact, the only thing I know how to do. And that is dangerous.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to stay passionate when it is so much work with little money. Scratch that: zero money.

So.

What comes next indeed.

I think I need to find why I love this again. Closer will help, as will the ensemble shows and the Lunchbox experience. These shows will be very good for me.

It has been a very slow season.

I will return to this subject in six months and see where I’m at. I look forward to that.

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The Vampire Rant

October 12, 2009 at 6:11 PM | Posted by an_ton
I have been working on a story for ten years. More than ten years, actually. I started thinking about it when I was in high school. A story about  monsters. Vampires to be a bit more specific. I've never had the wherewithal to sit down and write the damn thing, but one thing I can assure you is that it is huge. Epic, by definition.
I just wanted to say here that I have started writing it again, and that it is in NO WAY falling in line with the recent vampire craze. I still have my issues with the total castration of the vampire myth (thank you Stephanie Meyers), and I've never seen True Blood. There is an umpteen number of stories that are in one way or another a reaction or an homage to these current popular trends. Sadly, Twilight isn't going away until the fourth movie gets filmed, which isn't slated to appear until at least after the end of the world in December of 2012. That is a depressing thought. Anyways...

Vampires are SCARY. Horrible creatures that can posses and destroy you. Things changed though, in 1819 with the publication of (arguably) the first modern vampire story, a short called The Vampyre by John William Polidori (you can read the whole thing if you click here, aren't I kind!). The protagonist is Count Ruthven, a very charming but monstrous creature who hunts young women. Then there was of course Dracula by Bram Stoker (which you can read the whole thing here too, aren't I super kind!). We've all seen/heard this story. Scary still, but these authors added charm and sex appeal to the villains' arsenals. Then Bela Lugosi filmed Dracula in 1931 and he was quite the charmer himself. This role cemented the idea of the new vampire - a charming corpse that will "Suuuuuck your blooood!" Before these, this didn't happen.

You should read a book by Brad Steiger called Real Vampires (buy it here). It goes into the nitty gritty details of how the vampire myth has changed. Sortof. It deals with firsthand accounts of "real" vampires from around the world, and is pretty fantastic. It becomes obvious that very few of them look like Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and are rather horrible, horrible creatures. Not things to be lusted after.

However, we still do. I am fascinated personally by the myth. What it means, the sexual interpretation of the myth, the idea of blood drinking as a euphemism for sexual relations and power and ritual. Pretty cool. My creatures have a few of the Hollywood problems - blood drinking, sunlight, silver (this latter may drop though, I can't justify it...). No crosses, no garlic. I am using them to scare though. They are scary. They have no concept of conscience. They are feral (not to be mistaken for The Feral, a caste of vampire that chooses not to participate in politics, according to my story). Primitive in their desires, but know that they are superior to us in every way and seek dominion over the hairless ape called man. But they have painted themselves into a corner, politically speaking, and cannot assert their power.

That is my rant. Expect to see sections of this story appear from time to time. Comments will be greatly appreciated.

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0.0000000012907700223 Parsecs

October 11, 2009 at 2:37 PM | Posted by an_ton
I've travelled more miles this year than any year previous, and by the time 2010 rolls around, I'll have travelled more. Here is a breakdown, incase you're as interested as I am. Approximate distances, not including in-city, or even in-county, commuting

Calgary to Edmonton: 277 km
     Three round trips: 1662 km
Calgary to Vernon BC: 376 km
     One round trip: 752 km
Subtotal of in-Canada travel: 2414 km

Calgary to Frankfurt, Germany: 7555 km
Frankfurt to Tolouse, France: 1375 km
Tolouse to Olonzac, France: 131 km
Olonzac to Barcelona, France: 278 km
        One round trip: 556 km
Olonzac to Vischy, France: 577 km
Vichy to Paris, France: 407 km
Paris to Bruges, Belgium: 294 km
Bruges to Delft, Netherlands: 255 km
Delft to Amsterdam, Netherlands: 62 km
    Two round trips, one one-way trip: 310 km
Delft to The Haague, Netherlands: 13 km
     One round trip: 26 km
Delft to Leiden, Netherlands: 25 km
     One round trip: 50 km
Delft to Otterlo, Netherlands: 137 km
     One round trip: 274 km
Amsterdam to Frankfurt: 654 km
Frankfurt to Keflavic, Iceland: 2483 km
Keflavik to Calgary: 5142 km
     Subtotal of that trip: 20,089 km

And these kilometers yet to travel this year:
Calgary to London, England: 7039 km
London to Zurich, Switzerland: 1554 km
Zurich to Ibach, Switzerland: 70 km
     One round trip (subtotal): 17,326 km

Total Kilometers Travelled my me by January 6, 2010:
     39,829 km
Total Kilometers Between Earth and the Moon:
     384,403 km
Circumference of the Earth:
     40,075 km
Distance Between Earth and Mars (average):
     78,341, 212 km

I claim that by January 6, 2010:

  • I will have travelled 10.36% of the distance between the Earth and the Moon.
  • I will have travelled the equivalent 98.4% of the circumference of the Earth.
  • I will have travelled 0.051% of the distance between the Earth and Mars.
  • I will have travelled 0.0000000042128121346 Light Years.
  • I will have travelled 0.0000000012907700223 Parsecs (which is a measure of distance, not time thank you very much Han Solo you dumbass).
  • I will have travelled 21,505.9 nautical miles (international).

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Disclosure Video

October 8, 2009 at 2:58 PM | Posted by an_ton
Here is a video of Stephen Bassett, who is the Executive Director of the Paradigm Research Group. He is an advocate of full disclosure on what he calls a truth embargo imposed upon the entire world by the powers that be concerning past and ongoing extra-terrestrial presence in our world. In this video he talks quite clearly about the gravity that full disclosure would have, and about the culture of secrecy that we live in and have been living in for a long time.
For those of you who have heard my "theory" on the upcoming 2012 shift, you have heard me say tongue-in-cheekily that I hope that on December 21, 2012 an alien spacecreaft will land on the White House lawn. Mr. Bassett here expresses succinctly why I hope this will be the case.

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Coincidence

October 3, 2009 at 5:19 PM | Posted by an_ton

Tuesday at about 11:00pm at the Edmonton Events Centre in Edmonton (duh), I got to see Motörhead. They are a hard rock band responsible for over 30 years of music. Lemmy Kilmister who is the bass player/singer/icon is really damn good at his job.

After seeing opening acts Reverend Horton Heat (whose name I recall but don't know from where) and Nashville Pussy, Motörhead took to the stage and kicked our ass. Incredible stage show. And loud. Really, really loud.

While watching this event I came to the decision that I needed to get back into this action. I miss playing music in front of an audience with a kind of sick desperation that I need not go into. After the dissolution of Wade over a year ago (which I had meant to write a post about but didn't so maybe I will), I have hardly picked up an instrument, save my acoustic guitar in the privacy of my own home, out of sheer bitterness and total lack of motivation (not towards my former bandmates necessarily, just the way music tends to eat you up and spit you out). I played a night with Brent and Jed, jammed a few times with Dave and once with Kara and Josh and a few times with Sylvia. I think seeing Motörhead clicked the odometer over to "gotten over it," despite the nasty financial fuckover I got stuck with still keeping me down. Luckily debts can be repaid over time. Disappointment, well, there is no easy monthly payment plan you can put into that. It's gotta run it's course. So thanks, Motörhead. Lemmy. You cats are alright.

Anyways... so halfway through Motörhead's set I decided to get back into the game. I decided to look in the Ffwd magazine pronto and find a band in the 'Bass Player Wanted' section, which is mostly always overflowing. So I looked.

And there were ZERO ads. Not one. Nothing at all. One band looking for a lead guitar/vocalist and a few other little things, but no bass needed. Dammit.

Then Michael called. Out of the blue, now back from his trip home to Vancouver Island. Seems that he now works with a drummer, a new mechanic that just got hired. And he wants to start putting something back together. Needless to say, I acquiesced . 

Oh, but it doesn't end there. About a week before I headed up to Edmonton for the show, Dave called to chat a bit and we talked about how he was looking forward to writing more music when he got done his thesis design show Albertine, In Five Times. He also stressed how important it was to him. And also, the day after Michael called, I got a text from dear Brent saying 'You, me, beer, music. No cover, all original. When are you free?' Or something like that.

Awesome.

On a similar note, thought it might not look like it, I recently got into audiobooks. One of which I started is called The Celestine Prophesy, a book that got famous in the early 1990s talking about new-aged spirituality; ideas that have more recently gotten attention from such The Secret, Oprah, and advanced quantum physics research (that's the first time those latter two have been used in the same sentence). And the First Insight, as they call it, is a recognition of coincidence in our everyday world. This recognition is supposed to be the harbinger of a critical mass in human understanding leading towards a fuller spiritual awakening. That is a very boiled down version of the concept, but they do go into a ton of ideas about thought and what can be attained when you tune your thoughts into the bigger universe.

Coincidences, coincidences. The music connections I've described are only a small part of this. Music, creating it more specifically, is something I have found my own spiritual connectedness to. It is something that I should recognize if offered to me. The immediacy of making this decision and then getting offers from friends to collaborate and create more music is incredibly striking. I have taken notice. Especially if I compare it to the whole immediacy of the Feng Shui experience I had (see here). Two similar incidents happening within weeks of each other. I'd call that a hell of a "coincidence."

I don't believe in coincidence any more. I am seeing tangible proof of the sort of universal non-temporal causality that I described. The idea that the universe can have effects before and after the cause when you tune into the energetic invisible that surrounds, permeates and makes up us. With thought. Thought! That's it!

I plan to continue my investigation into the nature of the universe and our collective place within it. I'll keep ya posted.

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I Still Exist!

October 2, 2009 at 5:52 PM | Posted by an_ton
I haven't blogged in a while. That disappoints me. Since joining Facebook again (see here), I have spent time there, not here. Not what I intended, dammit! I'll change that soon enough. Promise.

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Tomorrow Night We Dance

September 18, 2009 at 12:34 PM | Posted by an_ton
Wedding time again! Huzzah! Enough food for a small army, and we are just about that; old university friends from the U of C's Department of Drama: actors, directors, scene partners, writers, former lovers, lifelong friends. We all met in the same place but have since scattered and are living our lives as we see best fit.

Our circle of friends was tight. At the center (not the nucleus by any means really, or the center of attention, I just use this as a point of reference because it's easy) was four bandmates and their respective significant others and close friends. Me, Cody, Michael, Joel; Naomi, Keri, Kristin, Allison; Liz, Jason, Marcy, and more whom, I am sick to discover that have faded from my memory as I continue to repress my band-time memories and see them through the same fog I see the most wonderful dreams I have ever had. Maybe I should look at some pictures. Anyways...

Now, five years after graduation from university we have spread ourselves across the country. I remain anchored here in Calgary with a definite wish to eventually find myself in French-speaking Montreal sometime much sooner than later, but yet remain here and happy here, still doing the only work I know how to do and feel that I can ever do. Cody has found a niche in Halifax. Joel and Al are here still but have found such focus and success in their work that our paths sadly do not cross. Michael and Kristin are but a phonecall away, though I call much less than I should or would like thanks in no small part to my own foolishly busy schedule (a terrible excuse). Naomi trains to be a teacher of young artists and will soon relocate to Barcelona for the adventure of a lifetime. Liz and Keri are in Vancouver and I know not how much they see of each other. Jason and I have blogged together (see here) but see each other rarely, and Marcy is I know not where but likely happy and successful in wherever she chooses to be.

Two events occur in our lifetimes that share so many of the same qualities and yet posses the significance to draw us back into the same room, no matter how many miles separate us. Weddings and funerals. Both are a gathering of loved ones. Both exist to celebrate life. One is for looking to the future and the other to the past. Both are filled with tears.

Luckily, a funeral is not on the horizon.

Last year when Liz Stec got married to Shawn Jackman in Vancouver, it was the first time I was suddenly struck with this thought, that I would only see these beautiful people at weddings and at funerals, and of course the occasional trip towards where they live, and a wonderful drink and catchup. But these big celebrations are special and hold me dumb with emotion and blind with wet eyes. And the one thing that we can do together, all together, is dance. Last year we danced on Granville Island in the bright lights. We were there in each others company again. Moving to the same rhythm, though our lives draw paths that weave and swerve away from each other, new people appear in our lives and grow with importance to us and we take these occasions to share our new friends and lovers with our old friends and lovers. We have these times. These moments, these true instances of connection. And I will be forever grateful for them, and to the people I share them with.

Tomorrow afternoon in Vernon BC, Keri and Miguel get married. Tomorrow night, we dance.

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Electric Stegosaurus LIVES!

September 12, 2009 at 11:12 PM | Posted by an_ton
As some of you may or may not know, a couple of years ago I was a part of a very short-lived project wherein three songs were created. We were Electric Stegosaurus - thunder lizards of electronica. The jiggy jurassic. The trippy triassic. The crazy cretaceous. And so on. Our legacy existed only here, on the now defunct and nigh-useless Myspace. And with our extinction arose such greatness as Synthosaurus, just to keep the dino-centric puns alive (and really fantastic and innovative music to boot).

But for those who didn't forget about us, for those who can't get enough of the backplates of pure power - don't fear: Electric Stegosaurus LIVES. Resurrected; or cloned perhaps by Steven Spielburg himself. New music is being fabricated, created, vomited out. All (both) original members are expecting to return, with an sexy, sexy third added to the lineup.  Keep posted here for details new and exciting, and forever crave to your ears penetrated by the salacious tailspikes of...

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You Are Not Your F***ing Kakhis

September 9, 2009 at 7:02 PM | Posted by an_ton
In 1999, David Fincher directed Fight Club, a flim based on the book by Chuck Palaniuck of the same name. Starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter, this film told the story of one/two man/men and their rampant disappointment with life and subsequent mental illness and self-destructive behavior. Also, it is a sociological sectional of the down-and-out thirty-something men who are pissed off at everything, from consumerism to their father.

It is still a great movie.

An american film reviewer (whose name and website I choose to omit due to libel laws), in his infinite wisdom, gave it two stars out of four. To put this in context, he gave Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Daredevil, Honey I Blew Up the Kid, and Batman Forever three out of four stars, while also giving Scarface and Blade Runner two and a half out of four. Apparently, if my new favorite critic had his way the Academy should have awarded Superman Returns, National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Oscars for Best Picture. Luckily enough, he doesn't run the world.

Despite some people's obvious lack of... well, artistic criticism, Fight Club was loved by the masses and left kids leaving the theatre thinking for the first time about the effect of mass media and consumerism on their every day lives. Also, sizing up fellow bus passengers for a good old fashioned ass kicking. And the lessons Tyler Durden teaches are still as relevant today as they were ten years ago, if not more-so. The consumerism machine that subtly and not-so-subtly seeps into every aspect of our lives, selling us things. Trying to make money off of us - ALL OF US, AT ALL TIMES. Durden speaks about this, speaks about the people who are denied their hopes and dreams because of their search of fantasies that are fabricated and imposed upon us. Tricking us into believing that something matters when it clearly does not. People have been sold houses at sub-prime mortgage interests, houses that are massive and impractical. It was made clear that we should overspend and max out our credit. We were sold a war by liars. We are told to fear our neighbours. We are fed glimpses of next-door-celebrity, people like you and I abandoned on islands or stuck in a house and left to fend for themselves (while the film crew enjoys the craft services table) and then win millions. And I quote: "We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

If we had taken Tyler Durden's advice to heart, if we had listened to even a fraction of the philosophy - "to let that which does not matter truly slide" - I believe that the economic collapse might not have happened with the intensity that it did.

The films ends with Tyler blowing up bank and credit card company headquarters. No one was hurt. But is it a coincidence that it was those business that screwed everyone over in the last couple of years?

No. Just good research and foresight on the author's part.

"The stuff you own ends up owning you."

The film takes this far, I'll admit it. I feel incredibly lucky every day that I live here and now, in this society. Is it not the dream of every single one of our predecessors - humans from caveman to farmer to executive - to live with as much ease as possible? Generally speaking, we don't have to risk our lives to find food. We don't have to go for months without eating. We don't need to kill our friends and families to feed our children. The evolved trait inside of us that saved our lives in millennia of the past - that which tells us to gather and hoard incase times get tough and we might die - has been transferred to the consumer culture. I NEED and iPhone. I NEED a new computer. I NEED new Chuck Taylors.

The truth is, no we don't. In the hunter-gatherer sense of the word NEED. People have simply recognized a trait within our own species and used it to make money. We feel good because we gather, they feel good because they profit.

“You are the not contents of your wallet. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world. You are the nothingness that becomes everything.”

I recommend taking a fraction of this to heart. Maybe not the "crap"part, but that certainly puts things in some kind of perspective. We've been living too long thinking that we are the car we drive. That we should strive to be like the unrealistic people in magazines. That we should sacrifice ourselves upon the alters of celebrity. That we should open up wide and swallow what the proverbial They tell us we should. And everywhere we hear stories about people suffering, starving, homeless.

Everywhere we are seeing Jack's smirking revenge.

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